I started out in our adult life with all my matching sets. I had the whole set of silverware. I had a beautiful bedding set with two matching sets of sheets and curtains that pulled it all together. I had sets of “art” for my wall that were cookie cutter and accented my couches. I had time to care for all my things. I loved to cook. I loved to read and talk about what newest good book was coming out. I loved the smell of clean laundry and the feel of fresh sheets as I crawled into them late at night. I loved to invite people over so they could see all the things we had with which to serve them. I had not one, not two, but three matching sets of glassware. I kept one set put away to replace the glasses that inevitably would be broken over time. That was 14 years ago. In 14 years, our whole life has changed.
Fourteen years ago, I was nearly perfect on the outside. I kept up with my appearance. I kept up with my house. I wanted people to look at me and say, “Now there is a woman who has it all together all the time.” I truly wanted to be that woman. Guess what. The glasses...they broke. One by one, those glasses broke on me. With each splinter I saw myself a little better. Which each shatter I broke a little more inside. One day, I found myself standing in my kitchen wondering where all my glasses were. Where did they go? I was so proud of having matching glasses. Now, if people came over, they’d have mismatched cups. What would they think?
I worried myself over the loss of those glass cups. To the point that I rushed out and bought two more matching sets. I brought them home, and within a week, I had broken two more cups.
I have to be honest. Trying to keep up held me back. Trying to hide my imperfections made me more imperfect. Read that again. I missed the important things. I worried so much about things that did not matter that I was (and still catch myself) missing out on the things that did.
I am not even perfect at accepting my imperfections. The last few weeks and multiple things that I have let get to me unnecessarily has made me wonder repeatedly why I’m not good enough. Should I have made a better effort to go along with everything that goes on around me? Should I have tried to fit in more. Should I always bend to someone else’s will? “Who should I be?” was the question I kept asking instead of, “Who am I?” The problem is that I know EXACTLY who I am. I know who I am no matter who I am with. So, after further thought and working through things with God I decided I kind of like drinking out of a mason jar. I definitely like drinking out of my Disney World cup. I don’t care that they don’t match other people drinking out of matching glasses. do you know why? It’s because what matters is that I am not noticing what other people are doing and I am busy being joyful in what God has given me. He gave me those cups accompanied with memories. You know what else? Maybe some of those moments in time I’ll never get back because they’re with people who have moved on. That’s ok too. I may not be “good” enough, but I am enough for Him. Just let me have my mismatched cups and a less troubled heart. I don’t need to keep up anymore. I accept that I’m not perfect. I will continue to apologize when it is necessary. Past that, there is nothing I can do but drink out of my memory-filled, mismatched, sometimes plastic cups and move forward.
Luke 10:38-42
38 Now it came to pass, as they went, that he entered into a certain village: and a certain woman named Martha received him into her house. 39 And she had a sister called Mary, which also sat at Jesus' feet, and heard his word. 40 But Martha was cumbered about much serving, and came to him, and said, Lord, dost thou not care that my sister hath left me to serve alone? bid her therefore that she help me. 41 And Jesus answered and said unto her, Martha, Martha, thou art careful and troubled about many things: 42 But one thing is needful: and Mary hath chosen that good part, which shall not be taken away from her.
Jesus was unconcerned with Martha’s perfection. He only wanted her time and attention. He only wanted her heart. Lord let me choose the good things.
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